Perfectly Dateless by Kristin Billerbeck

Author:Kristin Billerbeck [Billerbeck, Kristin]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: JUV033010, JUV033200
ISBN: 9781441211750
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2010-07-01T05:00:00+00:00

10

“Daisy, your father and I have fabulous news!” My mother grasps the end of the dining room table, her fingers wrapped around the edges.

“Mom, the last time you used the word fabulous, I do believe it involved a shower curtain, which by its very nature cannot be fabulous, as it is plastic and cheesy. Real people have shower doors.” I drop my napkin into my lap and focus on the casserole in the middle of the table. “Or by fabulous, did you mean on clearance at Walmart?”

“Very funny, Daisy. No, I mean it this time. It’s awesome!” she says, which sounds more disturbing than fabulous. Still, she’s grinning like a hyena at dusk, and my father has come in ready to share in the kill.

“You’ll like this, Daisy. It’s a compromise.”

“I’m getting a cell phone, but I have to pay the bill?”

“No, nothing like that. Who are you going to call when you’re at school and work anyway? I’m always here and you never call me,” Mom says.

“Dad, is this news fabulous? Or does it involve either one of you dressing fly and getting jiggy with it in front of my classmates?”

“Jiggy with what?” Dad says. “What are they teaching you at that school? Are you even speaking English?”

My mother hits the table to focus the attention back on her. “Your father and I have been talking about how hard you’ve worked this year.” She winks at my dad from across the table. He pseudo-smiles and plops a huge hunk of the casserole on his plate. Usually my mother serves him—I swear I live in 1957—but he seems to think this may take awhile, so he opts for strenuous work. “Do you want to tell her, honey?”

He raises a palm and shakes his head. Telling me would involve putting his fork down, and that’s not going to happen.

“All right, well, I told your father about this dating issue and the prom, and we’ve decided . . .”

No. No. Please, they can’t have decided anything. This is not a simple yes or no, you can go or not. This is something more. There has to be some deep, dark, small print to go along with it. With my parents, there is always the fine print and the soul-of-your-firstborn clause.

“You can go to the dance.”

“If someone asks you,” my dad adds. “You’ll nearly be eighteen by then, and you’re right, it will be good practice.”

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad. “I can?” Read: fine print, please?

“Well, wait a minute. There are some rules.”

Did I not say?

“I called the school, and it turns out the prom will be held in a hotel in San Jose. It’s the first weekend in March.”

“Uh-huh.”

“San Jose is a big city, Daisy,” Dad says.

“I’ve heard of it,” I say, inwardly rolling my eyes.

“And they’ll be needing chaperones.”

I look in horror at both of them. I mean, I knew it would be bad, but chaperoning? My mom might as well wear an apron to the dance, or worse yet, her rap getup, and my father .

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